I wish I could say that the reason for the lack of content over the last few weeks was due to something new and exciting. Sadly I would be lying if I stated that as much of my lack of content has been more relating to health issues.
I’ve written about my Multiple Sclerosis before and after the survey results it was revealed people wanted to see more content around it. So this post is a glimpse of the struggles I’ve been dealing with over the past few weeks. They are health related and I have no fear exposing myself, not in that way people, to the world when it comes to the MS. Yes I am still me and got to throw out some odd humor to lighten a serious mood. It’s just who I am. I must now get back on track, so back to the meat of the post.
This past winter has been a cold one in Wisconsin. The snow wasn’t too terrible this year but when it came I felt I had to get out there and shovel. I saw it as needed exercise and a reason to get out and be active and not worry about gym dues. (Money is tight all over). I would get out there clear the sidewalk around our house and I got to say fun having a home on a corner. Oh and I won’t even get on a rant about the wonderful city plow drivers as that is a post in itself.
Along with the physical activity something else changed as I was given the opportunity to change from my daily shot to a three day a week regiment which meant fewer needles. I was doing well with much of that and then spring started to show up. The weather was not being nice and the hitchhiker decided it was time to try and take the wheel. The hiker is the MS which has been dormant for me since I originally was diagnosed those many years ago.
I’m used to the soreness in my arms, the fatigue and some leg issues but this time around I got a new experience. I had some cognitive issues and those scared me. There were things such as just forgetting a word when talking to someone, forgetting what I had just read and a few other issues. The other thing is I found myself having mood swings. The emotions where all over the map and I’d find myself having to fight back anger, and frustration, over the dumbest of things and I had decided enough was enough. There was insomnia that medication was not able to help and that added to the already tired feeling I was having.
I had struggled with these things for a few months and even noted for a time I was not taking other medications I’m on. Oh trust me I’ll hear about that from my upcoming doctors’ appointments but it was my own fault. I saw/felt what was going on and I waited and waited saying it will pass. I was in no real mood to worry about myself, but at same time often will put others in front of my own needs. It’s just how I’m wired.
I finally got out of that funk and went to my neurologist. This is where the person I consider a lifeline, the one who can help me understand what is going on let me down. I was in and out of his office in 15 minutes and beyond ordering an MRI he put me on an anti-seizure medication to help with the arm complaints I have. The problem is the long list of negative side effects and as most where mood related I told him I did not want the medication. He got it anyway.
I have come to find out that many of his patients are feeling something has changed in the doctor as I’ve noticed for the past year. I’m not sure what is going on but I do know after this MRI I am going to be looking for a new Neurologist. How you may ask well there are websites that will give you ratings on your doctors.
All this crap going on and of course the daily financial concerns and ensuring your family is cared for just pushed me down. I’m not working on climbing my way back out of the pit I was in. I have noticed that by refocusing my energies the cognitive issues are going away. I just had to find a method that worked for me that helped me refocus. The method you ask, well when I had moments I had to put the energy somewhere else. I cleaned, re-arranged things and did all I could to keep my mind on one simple task. It’s helped and I feel more and more normal every day. Oh I’m sure I hear some of you going, Normal?? Yeah ok for me as normal as I feel I can be. Sure I still have the financial worries and other concerns but I’ll find a way to deal with those things, but now just in no shape for a part time job. Yet!
So with the reinvigorated process to stay focused I’ve begun reading again and find that I’ve begun getting through books. This is one of the reasons I closed submissions for a while as I needed to get caught up on what I have. I also realized that I need to ask for help sometimes. So if you have read this far and want to help get in touch. How I mean, what am I looking for, well get in touch tell me what you can do. I mean it’s not hard to write a guest blog post for me to post during down periods. Who knows may be you want to start posting your reviews on my blog. So again I am not letting this Monster get me as I find a way to adapt and move forward. Now if only we could do this as easily with bills, he he.
As for the subject of this post being somewhat of a horror tint to it, it was intentional. MS is not fun it can hit those who have the disease in so many different ways. If life is like a box of chocolates the MS is a store full of chocolates. You never know what you’ll get and you are not allowed to design your own box, it picks for you.