Personal Insights into me and my Multiple Sclerosis

I’m not one to do year in review type of posts. I do think it is important to learn from the past and to move forward, but not live in the past. So I do not go for the end of year, or highlights type of things. Instead I noticed I have not mentioned much about my Multiple Sclerosis and what that brings to my life in some time. So, that is the point of this post, my life since I got diagnosed.

I last touched on this subject over a year ago. I made sure to point out how I hate how people react to things when they hear I have MS.  I didn’t get a death sentence I got a sentence to look for possible challenges.  Things may not go the way I want day after day and I should be ready for it, but not let it run my life.

I’ve done my best to keep positive, keep moving and not let the MS take me. I believe that it is currently in remission as I haven’t had a major flare up in sometime. I get to look forward to almost yearly MRIs to check the progress of the disease and I think I dread that even more than anything else. One can only go into a machine to have your brain scanned so many times before you start to go, ENOUGH!

I say that as the last MRI that was done I actually had to take some medicine to be “chilled” during the MRI.  See, for me it’s not a simple in and out we go, no it’s go in for about an hour so they can run the scans. They pull me out and I get a contrast solution injected into me and back into the machine I go for up to another hour.

The other thing is that at times I can tell when the MS has gotten to me. I can be walking in a store, working outside, or just doing some cooking and boom I’m exhausted.  At times I will push through that feeling and finish up what I’m doing, like mowing the lawn. The problem is that after I complete the task I’m useless till I relax a bit and energy level returns. It gets to me as I get frustrated and depressed about not being able to complete what I’m doing.

Up to this point, if you are still reading, you get the idea that my original thoughts on MS have changed. You may think that I am no longer trying to stay positive and get the idea I could be giving up, or just overly depressed. I know that to me I’d think that my thoughts have certainly changed from my original post on MS.

I am here to say that is not the case. I know I can get upset, depressed, and just mad but like so many others there are other factors.  I’m not one to go into details on those, but just think about most people you know. How many have a “perfect” life? How many do not have financial issues? How many do not have problems that they cannot control weighing them down?

My MS Medication, CoPaxone, is currently over $4k a month, but I have insurance to help. I also get support from the manufacturer of the drug. I have other health bills but I’m able to pay them and take care of my family.  Would I like more in my pocket, sure but who wouldn’t.  I, however, take what I have and live within my means. Granted if you’d like to donate something get in touch. J JUST KIDDING.

So by now you have read enough things to wonder about my mental health. You may wonder, ok what is the point of this? What are you trying to say here?

It’s answer time.

I want you to say that no matter how things have gone, are going, for me I am still the same person I was when I posted my original thoughts.  I haven’t given up on life, and quite the different mindset. Each day to me is a new adventure. It is an opportunity to witness what life has to over, and as some photo’s I’ve included below I share the beauty of nature.

I also do things to keep my mind active which is the most important thing I can do. I want to be able to formulate words, sentences and paragraphs. I want to be able to take those and put them into the reviews on the site, and my own short stories.  I  may never know how well they are liked but as long as I see traffic I’m thrilled. It just means my words are being read by someone and I’m contributing in some way to this world. I say the world as WordPress will show me the country of origin on my site visits and I have seen things from many corners of the world.

I also do my best to help those who may need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. It’s not easy to do in today’s world of sexual harassment or closed feelings but I offer my support where I can. I may not always know if someone is hurting but I do my best even if it’s just through a kind word. I may not be a rich man, and unable to help others financially so I do what I can in other ways.  I like to think that my reviews and stories are a simple way to help as it offers a distraction from life too. One of the things I do for myself in a way to help my own mind is some simple meditation and Tai Chi.

As you can sense I’ve very complex and keep doing things to keep my mind active. I do not want to stop and focus on the handicap called Multiple Sclerosis. I know I have it but it’s not who I am. I feel that those with problems need to look beyond them and show it won’t be the thing that tears them down. I’ve never asked for pity and never will seek it, I hope. If you feel sorry for me, don’t. I am happy with what I have and who I am. Of course I’d be lying if I said I wish I had things better off, but hell who doesn’t.

So I’m going to close this winding post with some simple words. They are words coming from my heart to those who have made it this far. When the time comes that my days on this big blue dot are at an end I want one thing to be remembered.

I shared with the world, and no matter how small of an impact, I was here and I never gave in to those things that could tear me down.

 

 

 

 

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